Wednesday, 5 July 2017

What To Expect When Your Partners Expecting

Here we are! Alice is on the verge of the final trimester of her pregnancy, its been 27 weeks of up's, downs. laughter, tears, the expected and unexpected. It won't be long before Baby Spake is here and the long sleepless nights and the daily grind will begin. Today I'm going to share with you what to look out for an possibly expect when your partner is pregnant.

I've found that when it comes to pregnancy there isn't a lot that's aimed at men or partners to help during this period. The limelight is rightly on the mother to be, but having that extra bit of information could be vital both during those long 9 months were you will be testing each others patience or the important first weeks when your little one is here. I fully endorse buying A Man's Guide To Having A Baby by Dominic Bliss, but here is some of the experiences I've faced from a male point of view. 

Lack Of Sleep
Whenever you and your partner are expecting, you'll always hear people saying "enjoy your sleep, while it lasts" at first this was funny because you know that when the baby is here sleeping and laying in till mid day are gone. What they also don't tell you is that sleep is a myth for both you and your partner around the 4 month period. This is because when she starts to feel uncomfortable, it's time for you meet the pregnancy pillow. You lose all dominance of bed or sleep at this point and if you try to rebel at this stage, well you're going to find that she will have quite an effective weapon to use on you. Might as well accept your fate now. 

Sharing of Food
"JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD" Well I can tell you that as soon as your partner is pregnant, you don't have a choice. If she wants to eat that Extra Fine Milk and Hazelnut Swizz Chocolate bar that you were saving for the weekend, you don't have one say in the matter, It's gone and if somehow you've managed to fight the restrain of your partner using the "I want you to do something for me, because you got me pregnant" look. Well, lets just say that you're likely to regret that move very quickly. 

You wondered why I mentioned regret above? Well the simple answer is HORMONES. During various stages of your partners pregnancy, these little pricks decide to pick up and make your life a misery, just for shits and gigs.  One moment you could be having a laugh, playing around and making general jokes about the neighbours dog. The next you've some how over stepped this mark and she's in tears, calling you every name under the sun, protecting the very same dog she was also insulting. Hormones flip on a switch, so my best advise is to avoid those borderline comments you make about anything and be prepared to learn to walk like an Ninja, stepping on eggshells.

Decision Making 
If you're the person who wears the trousers in the relationship, be prepared to be the submissive one for the next 9 months. If your partner doesn't want to do something then, you've got no hope in hell that it's going to happen. You both could have agreed to go to the nearest Strawberry fields to pick your own, then find a spot to have a picnic in the fields and be that romantic that you want no one to know about. At the 12th hour she will, throw on her pyjama's, create that pillow fort and force you to re watch every episode of TOWIE since the beginning of time.

Buying for Baby
When you're expecting a child, especially your first. You're highly likely to feel that every product on the market is a must have and that you can't deprive your baby of that nappy bin you've seen, because what baby doesn't have a bin that sings nursery rhythms as you're throwing away their 10th poop of the day. The key here is sitting down early, having a clear idea of what the essentials are and then making sure you get these bits first. Anything else you may see can be as a treat or extra after you've obtained the essentials. 

Picking A Name
This is the one that requires the biggest test of patience from both you and your partner. The two of you are going to have different idea's on what name is a suitable one for your child and you can guarantee that there is going to be at least one name you hear, that will make you screwface and headbutt a wall (Blaze, fucking Blaze). If you are the more out there one of your partnership, I strongly advise that you do have some more watered down, slightly more traditional name to come to an agreement with your partner. Otherwise it's going to quickly turn into an fight from The Hunger Games and you're facing a woman with an increase of hormones. You will lose.

I hope that these little bits of information have helped those of you who are in the earlier or planning stages of pregnancy. Remember that you will likely end up in tears at least once and that anything your partner says during these hormone raged months are likely not meant. 

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